Book Of Me And You
by DestinyLynn17
Summary: Just when he thought it was over, she changed the game. But will it matter or are they already to far gone? This is a Kozik/OC...
1. The Begining

_**A/N: Okay so new story, I didn't Co-Write this one and I hope it's okay…I don't own anything at all unfortunately…Let me know what you think, I would really appreciate it.**_

Sometimes you have to ask yourself 'what if I hadn't met the person who changed everything'. Well I wouldn't be left feeling like a piece of shit, I wouldn't be thinking that he didn't care, and maybe I would have found someone who made me moderately happy. But no, I had to move to Tacoma and my car had to breakdown, I had to go to that garage and he had to be the one to fix it. But now I feel that if I didn't let work get in the way, or if I was able to love the club just as much as he did… he would be lying next to me sleeping, not god knows where.

I take a deep breath and look out into the night. This isn't how a thirty year old should be feeling, they should be happy and ready to start a life with someone they want to spend forever with. But in truth, I thought I would spend my life with him, he's the other part of me. Walking through the hall and down the stairs, the hardwood floor numbing my feet from the cold I see the pictures that line our walls, the two of us on the back of his bike, at the beach, in the mountains, at a gas station or just at a party; but we were in those pictures, oblivious at what this crazy future holds.

I can feel the anger starting inside me mixing with the sadness, I stormed into the living room and sat on the sofa, I just want him home right now we need to talk about all of these things that are running through my mind. The tears are coming freely now, I try to stop them but I can't… they seem to keep coming. I didn't know I could cry this much until now, I wish I could look at him in the eyes and tell him that I don't care that he didn't talk to me first, or that I would pick up and leave no problem but I cant. Maybe, no I would if he just talked to me about this plan about switching charters but he didn't, not even a hint that he was thinking about it. I looked up at the sound of his bike and I seemed to cry harder, the door opened and the sound of his boots filed this empty house, I felt the couch dip and a hand on my leg. Looking up I saw the calm look on his face. I used to know that face of his, those blue eyes and blonde hair his skin… everything I spent minutes memorizing his face in hopes of never forgetting it, but right now that's all I want to do.

"Kozik were you ever going to talk to me about this?" I asked through the tears looking into his blue eyes praying his answer would be yes, and not some lie that he thinks would save me from the pain. "And don't lie to me." I added quickly not that it mattered if he wants to lie he can, I just won't stick around to believe it.

"I don't know… I really don't, it never seemed like the right time, it's not a casual topic to just bring up. But I didn't plan on hurting you, that's the last thing I wanted to do." He grabbed my hand I let him take it. I want to feel his touch the warmth of his skin on mine; right now it just doesn't feel the same. He must have felt the same way because he pulled his hand back.

"But you should have talked to me; it's not just your life Koz! It's mine too; we have a life together or at least I thought we did." Now I'm mad, I guess the anger is now in control. I wiped the tears from my face and stood up in front of him. He stood and looked down at me, this is the one time I wish I was taller.

"We do have a life together, I just got confused and I guess I was putting it off. You aren't always the easiest person to talk to." His voice was even almost like a robot's.

"Putting it off until when?" I yelled moving closer, pushing him. He stayed in the same place and just looked down at me. "Until you left town, or were you going to just leave me here with no explanation? You've done it before or did you forget about that?"

"I was going to fucking tell you, I wouldn't just leave you like that you know me better than that." He said his voice just below a yell, I don't see why he won't just yell because I'm sure as hell gonna yell at him.

"Do I know you better than that? Because the Kozik I know would have talked to me about it, asked me what I thought. But this Kozik…" I gestured with my hand at him my voice going soft. "I don't know, you've gotten distant and you don't come home, you have no idea how hard it is not knowing if you were going to walk through that door or come back to me in a casket. But I knew what I signed up for when I got with you. I knew and I have been there for you, with no questions or complaints… I was there and I thought that we could trust each other with everything. I talked to you when I got all those job offers but you told me you didn't want to leave and I turned them all down because I didn't want to leave you!" I stopped and it clicked. All this time I've been concerned with him not telling me, what if he doesn't want me to come, maybe that's why he never talked to me about it, he didn't know how to break it off.

"Yeah and I bet that you fucking regret it every time you look at me don't you!" He yelled taking a step back. I shook my head fallowing him. He yelled louder pointing a finger at me.

"No I don't, I am happy with you." I screamed turning around and walking over to the fireplace. The tears came back and I'm not ashamed of them at least not yet.

"Fuck Whitney do you think I want to leave you? Because I don't, I love you."

"You know this whole time I thought to myself, he didn't talk to me, that's what I was mad about but now seeing you standing here in front of you, all I can think about is how we got to this point. We fight like cats and dogs; maybe this is for the best." I took a deep breath and looked over at him his face has anger written all over it but no hurt, just anger. "Kozik were you even going to ask me to come with you?" I asked, I want his answer to be yes, I could handle a yes but a no would kill me. I got silence back. I nodded my head and smiled up at him. "Just answer me Kozik, please."

"Whitney…"He trailed off and ran his hands through his hair. His phone went off and he answered it. I stood there holding back new tears wiping the old ones away. I heard his phone click shut and he looked over at him. "I have to go I'll be back in about an hour." I nodded, the club comes first I thought to myself no matter what the club has to come first.

"Fine go just go be the Sargent At Arms but you better stay the night there because that door will be locked." I said crossing my arms and taking a deep breath before he walked over tilting my head up to look at him.

"I love you Whitney but don't play these fucking games because I won't stick around to play them with you." He said angrily, I shook my head walking over to the kitchen.

"I'm pregnant."


	2. Running Home

**_A/N: Thank you for all the nice reviews and all the story add's you have no idea how much that means, I appreciate them and also a really big thank you to _Bobadoo, she has helped me a lot! Let me know what you think! Thank you again for whoever is reading this...**

"You're kidding me right?" I shook my head avoiding his eyes. I don't want to see the anger so I shove past him and go up to our bedroom. I didn't hear him walk up the stairs but I haven't heard him leave either. I sat here petting our cat Bam and waited for something anything. I lay back onto the pillows curling into a ball before the door opened. I shut my eyes praying he would just leave.

Wouldn't it be easier that way, he could just leave. He could have his life and just forget about me and whatever I said tonight. I felt the bed dip and a hand rest on my hip. "I was thinking about leaving, I didn't think to tell you I think I was worried you wouldn't go."

I sat up grabbing his hand, looking into his eyes I can see there is something else I just don't know what. I closed my eyes trying to block the tears before opening them. I tried to say something I just couldn't, I just can't seem to make the words come out.

"Whitney I have to tell you something." I nodded squeezing his hand. He got up walking over to the dresser before running a hand through his hair. I just sat there watching him walk around; this can't be good considering that he is avoiding telling me.

"Last month at that party when you went on that trip with Ashley," He stopped thinking about his words before continuing. "I slept with Callie. It was a onetime thing I was drunk and please say something." I couldn't move let alone talk. How could he cheat on me? I thought he understood me when I told him that I couldn't, I wouldn't be with someone that cheats on me that includes runs.

Getting up I walked over to the closet getting a bag out. I proceeded to get clothes before I stopped sitting down on the bed. "How could you?" I asked my voice just above a whisper.

"I don't know it just happened." I shook my head, yeah and I just have a baby in my stomach. I thought to myself as I got up. I threw the clothes in the bag not bothering to fold them before going to the bathroom getting the necessities.

"Where are you gonna go?" I shrugged not really sure how to answer the question. Why should I let him know, why should he be able to keep track of me.

"I need time to think and I can't do that here." I slipped my flip flops on before picking up my bag. I wiped the tears from my eyes and turned to look at him. I can see the pain in his eyes and the hurt on his face. I try to tell myself that I shouldn't feel guilty for leaving but I do, I feel like it's my fault.

"Will you be back?" I shrugged; he took a step forward as I turned walking away from the room. I stopped taking one last look at him.

"Don't forget to take care of Bam and feed him." I turned for the last time going down the stairs only stopping by the door to grab my purse and keys. I walked out into the rain making a run to my car throwing the bag in the back before leaning my head on the steering wheel. Io sat back up and started it up pulling out before stopping to take one last look at the house. Shaking my head I left leaving the house to fade.

I drove around thinking about what I should do getting nowhere. How could he do that to me? Was I really that big of a bitch? If he did it that once he might have done it before that what if he has been doing it every time I am gone? I pressed harder on the peddle before slowing down as I came near a stop sign. I drove a little further before I could see waves crashing, I pulled up to the blue house getting out and running to the door. After practically beating on the door it opened.

"Dad." I breathed out hugging him. I closed my eyes holding him tight letting the tears fall. It may seem like a stupid thing to do, going to my dad's house but he is the only other person I have in my life. He has been there for me and has supported me through everything including Kozik although he has never been happy that I am with him.

"Shhh." He patted my back leading me inside and onto the couch. I don't really know how long we sat there, me crying and him holding me. I eventually felt the heaviness of my lids and closed them falling into a deep sleep.

I opened my eyes blinking sleep from them as the sun hit my face. I rolled over hitting the floor with a loud thump. My sore eyes went wide as I looked around my old room. I got up stretching my arms above my head letting out a moan at my sore muscles. Walking across the hall to the bathroom I turned on the water not letting it warm up before getting in. I just stood there letting the hot water run over my muscles relaxing them. I looked around and pulled the shower curtain grabbing the towel wrapping it around my body before going back to my room grabbing my bag and going back to the bathroom. I got my shampoo and conditioner along with my body wash and loofa before getting back in getting used to the hot water once again. I washed my body and hair quickly not wanting to use all the hot water before rinsing off one last time and getting out to dry off. I changed into light blue capris a white tank top and a blue hoodie with Adidas written across the front in pink. I pulled my blonde hair in to a ponytail and left the bathroom taking my things back to my room. I could hear my dad singing his classic rock. I smiled as I walked down the hall fastening my pink watch onto my wrist before leaning onto the counter.

He looked over smiling as he finished cooking. I watched for a few minutes before looking around the house. After all these years after my mom died he still keeps the house the same. Every picture on the wall in the same place. I touched my baby picture my other hand dropping to my stomach. I turned around going back to the kitchen sitting at the breakfast bar where my dad just finished putting breakfast on it. I sat down taking a sip of water.

"So do I get an explanation on why you turn up on my door step crying?" He asked casually taking a bite of bacon. I shrugged before putting my fork down looking at him.

"Did you ever cheat on mom, or did she ever cheat on you?" I asked before regretting it. I just need to know I have to know if everyone goes through this.

"No I cheated on your mom once but she forgave me and then we had you I think she was afraid of being alone that and she loved me." I nodded playing with my food before giving up.

"He cheated on me and I don't know what to do." I blurted out unable to stop myself, maybe I shouldn't have come here, maybe it would have been better to just stay at home and face things with Kozik, but then I wouldn't have this time to think to really think about what I want.

"Well he's an ass, I told you that a while back but I don't think it matters what I think of him you need to do what's right for you not him or me. But I will gladly beat his ass for you if you want." He laughed taking a drink of his coffee before shaking his head patting my on the knee.

I got up putting my plate in the sink before going to my room and slipping my pink flip flops on leaving for a walk on the beach. As soon as I got outside, the cold damp air hit me. I put the hood on dipping my head down before walking down the beach getting as far away as I could from my dad from everything.

I took the shoes off holding them in my hands as I let the sand cover my feet. I took a look around noticing everyone is inside going on with their life, taking a deep breath I let my feet go into the cold water. I kept going taking one step after the other until the water was up to my knees. I shivered feeling the hair on my arms standing up as I took another stop.

What if it was me that changed what if I am responsible for our relationship? It makes sense, I changed I took my work to serious and I ignored him, I pushed him away. This is all on me now, I need to fix this I need to figure out what it is I really want, but not for Kozik or my dad but I need to do this for me.

Taking another step I kept going as far as I could before stopping and letting the cold water wash over me. Taking a deep breath I ducked my head under the water. The water washing all over me my body submerged in the cold water where I feel weightless, where I can't be hurt and no one can find me. Popping back up I took a huge breath going back to the shore. My head went straight up in the air as I heard the loud rumble of motorcycles. He came here; he knew where I would go. I took off for my father's house not letting the water weigh me down, my feet pushed through the mushy sand and I finally reached the house. I ran up the porch throwing the door open only to find my dad sitting with about five bikers from The Devils Confederacy. I froze knowing that I shouldn't be anywhere near them.

Turning I went back to my rom grabbing my things for another shower. I was a lot quicker this time not wanting to waste any time getting out of here. I just want to see Kozik, to see those blue eyes happy unlike the ones I left back at home. I forgot clothes so I hugged the towel to my body and ran across the hall and into my room shutting and locking the door behind me. I was about to drop the towel when I froze seeing a man lying back on my bed.


	3. Goodbye Love

_A/N: Okay new chapter. Thank you SO much for the reviews, they help me so much! Also thank you for the story alerts they all make my day! I____love getting feedback so thank you a lot. I don't own anything it all belong sot Kurt Sutter and FX.___

_**After the silence, after the last words.**_

_**Caught in the silence. Caught in between. **_

_**After the madness. After the slow shock.**_

_**Before the wave hits, the flood comes rushing in.**_

_**This is the bad before the worse.**_

_**This is the storm before the storm**_

_**I haven't even hit the bottom of this ocean floor. **_

_**This is the bend before the break. **_

_**This is the mercy not the grace. **_

_**This is the proof and not the faith i try to find.**_

_**There shouldn't be a good in goodbye.**_

**There shouldn't be a good in goodbye- Jason Walker**

"I think you should leave." I said pulling the thin towel closer to my body. I gave the room a once over before sighing.

"We need to talk." I nodded rolling my eyes. Who is this man? I thought to myself, I analyzed him and noticed the cut. He's not a Son that's for sure; he's part of the Devils Confederacy, I doubt he would make the cut to be a Son.

"Let me change and I might talk." I snapped grabbing my entire bag before going to the bathroom. I changed into the faded blue jeans, black tank top with a white owl on the front and a light blue zip up jacket. I grabbed the Beretta 92FS and stuck it in the back of my jeans before pulling my shirt over it along with the jacket. I brushed my long blonde hair out and put a bit of eyeliner on before grabbing my phone and dialing Kozik's number. I have to tell him what's going on; I wouldn't want him to get the wrong idea or anything. It rang a few times before a voice came over.

"Hello?" A high pitched woman's voice said. I froze, is that her? Is that the girl he would much rather be with?

"Who is this?" I asked holding back tears. I shouldn't be crying after all I am the one who left him, but for god sakes that was last night. I heard Kozik's voice asking where his pants were and I broke out in tears letting the fall where they may. I should have known.

"I'm sorry who are you?" The girl asked with attitude. I cleared my throat and took a deep breath.

"Tell Kozik Whitney will be by…" I took another deep breath in order to control my tears but I failed miserably. "Tell him Whitney will be by tomorrow night to pick up her things." I hung up turning the water on in order to drown out my light sobs, I won't do the whole crying jag right now, I'll do that later while Ashley and I pig out on Ice cream.

Looking in the mirror I lifted my shirt up and put a hand on my flat tan stomach. How can I raise a child, the entire twelve weeks I hid this pregnancy I was worried that he would hate me and run out on me. But the truth of the situation is that we were never really together at that time. He found love that I couldn't give him with that whore. Lorca was right, about everything. I pulled my shirt down smoothing everything before drying my eyes and smiling into the mirror. I have never been so scared in my life of anything, but the thought of being alone making this life worth something for this baby…it scares me to death.

Turning off the water I opened the door glaring at the man. I breezed past him and everyone in my dad's small living room and went out to my car I sat inside starting it up and just sat there for a few minutes. What do I do? How do I say good bye to him without crying, I can't let him see me cry or that skank he is sleeping with. I looked up as I heard the screen door shut and watched as the man came out walking over to my car. I pulled out fast my tires squeaking before speeding down the road. I've never been one to speed but I can't talk to that man, not now when my life is falling apart.

I worked hard blinking the tears back but I couldn't keep them all back. I hit the steering wheel as I pulled onto our street and saw his bike along with Ashley's car. I pulled onto the curb and got out. Walking up to the house I remembered how hard it was to leave knowing it was hurting him. I turned the cold door handle and walked into the warm house. I could hear Kozik yelling and Ashley yelling right back. I didn't say a word I just went upstairs and took out my pink with black and white polka dot suitcases out setting them on the perfectly made bed. I unzipped the slowly rethinking my decision before shaking the idea from my mind. I took out my clothes folding them up and gently placing them in the bags. Before long I heard boots go up the stairs and stop. I didn't look over, I just kept packing.

"Whitney I'm sorry." I felt is hand go to my waist before I reached up smacking him across the face, tears streaming down mine. I never planned to do that but he deserves it.

"You think sorry is going to take this all back? It won't, nothing can. Believe me if there were a way I would welcome it." I cried closing my eyes before sitting on a small empty space on the bed.

"I didn't think about anything I just did it. But let's try and get through this." He said calmly putting a hand on my knee.

"Kozik, we haven't really been a couple for a while. I am the one who should be sorry. I mean I didn't really make you happy, how could I? I'm not anything special, I don't look like those girls and I'm not as good as those girls." I said sadly putting my hand on top of his. I rubbed his hand with my thumb, missing the touch of his hand on my waist and his lips on mine.

"So you go find a great Old Lady, one that will put you first, that will have your little baby's, that can cook, that isn't always fighting with you, one that can please you but most of all one that you love." I raised my head the tears pouring form my eyes. He shook his head, his eyes misting over. I shook my head standing up and putting both hands on his cheeks.

"Don't cry, that's my job you are gonna make one girl so happy. Just like you made me, these last few years I have been the happiest I will ever be. I love you." I kissed his cheek as I fell apart. This is it, I'm alone and I can't take it back. But he deserves better.

"I don't want to make another girl happy, I only want you, damn it why don't you see that?" He yelled pulling away and going over to the dresser slamming both fist down causing papers to fall. I covered my mouth with a hand and cried harder as I saw him in pain, my heart breaking more every second.

"Because I know you, I remember when we first met you said you aren't monogamous and I was stupid to try to change that. I'm a stupid girl Kozik and I know that now, don't make this harder please for me…for this baby." I added grabbing the rest of my clothes and zipping them up. I ran getting my shoes and throwing them in before zipping it up.

"Whitney, I cheated twice, once a few months ago and once last night. Don't do this, please." I shook my head grabbing the first two suitcases before heading down stairs. I set them by the front door before going back up and getting the other two, I did the same and came back up and saw him sitting on the almost empty bed. Hangers are everywhere and the only clothes left are his. I walked over lifting his head up, my green eyes met his blue ones and I kissed him one last time. When our lips met it was urgent, and full of passion, I felt that little spark that has always been there. His hands got tangled in my hair, I pulled back biting my lip.

This is my choice, this is my decision. I guess I'll have to cry, and go through numerous breakdowns so he can get what he deserves. I honestly want him to be happy and to stay clean. I remember staying up with him when he had those weak moments and just staying up to have our late night conversations.

"Goodbye." I said grabbing my small bag and walking out the bedroom door. I loaded up my car and left that house for the last time.


End file.
